I think that long ago (like even back in high school) I was probably saying negative things about myself because it was just what you did. That seemed like the opposite of arrogant or cocky, and I didn’t want to be either of those. I do remember having a few thoughts about my body when I developed hips and wishing I could just push them down and off my body because I thought I was suddenly”fat.” But, other than that, I don’t think I really hated my body. I don’t know that I necessarily loved it either though. I remember getting compliments and feeling really good, but shrugging them off and not accepting them out loud. Why is it that women (and girls even) put themselves down? Somewhere along the line I must have started believing the negative things I was saying and it seeped deeper inside of me until it was just truth to me. Sad.
My brain is connecting this with selfish/selfless somehow. I’ve heard it said that being selfless isn’t thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. So, if someone is consumed with thoughts about themselves, they would be on the selfish side? That’s thinking good or bad thoughts about yourself. Hmmmm…I’m processing this as I write. Basically, I need to stop being consumed by my negative thoughts about myself for lots of reasons! How can I serve others if I am so worried about myself? How can I listen to someone if my thoughts about myself are in the way? How can I be a healthy example to my kids if I am speaking those negative thoughts? Or at the very least, letting them effect the way I act…looking in the mirror with judgement, pulling and tugging at clothes, keeping coverups on at the pool and not actually participating, worried about my hair or makeup…the list goes on to include things I’m sure I don’t even realize I do. I need to get over it! So, yes, I can see how even my negative thoughts about myself are making me into a selfish person that is not fully present in the lives of my children! So, my action plan is to think about myself less and when I do think of myself, it’s ok to think positive thoughts. I will show up better in life. I like that. Now, to get to work and practice it!
