I don’t exactly know how and where to start, but I’ve put it off for too long so here it goes…
I am using this space sort of as a journal for now. I want to document what’s in my head and the things I’m doing to change that. For a while I haven’t really been happy with who I am or how I’m showing up in my life. I haven’t been able to fully love myself, and I think that’s carrying over into every other aspect of my life. I react to my children in ways that I don’t feel like a loving mother should. I get impatient and frustrated. That makes me dislike myself even more. I don’t accept my body and it’s changes through having children and getting older. I can’t stop comparing myself. Sometimes to others around me, but mostly to how I used to look.
Last December (2016) is the first time I really remember getting into self-help/motivational podcasts. I listened to marriage and parenting podcasts for a while, then found a podcast called “Bold New Mom”. Obviously, a parenting podcast, but so much more. Jody Moore was trained by Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School. Brooke has a podcast that I started listening to as well. Jody is an LDS mother who specializes in coaching other LDS women and helping them become better women and mothers. She is delightful and I love her outlook on things. I would clean, run, drive and get ready for the day while listening to these types of podcasts. They would uplift me and make me want to be better.
I turned 39 in July and woke up realizing that I didn’t like the way I felt about myself. I had been striving to make changes, but hadn’t come very far. I decided that when I turn 40 I want to be confident and happy and more patient with my family and myself. I want to wake up on my 40th birthday loving life and myself. I’d like to lose 10 pounds (give or take), but I don’t want my happiness to be dependent on that. I want to have peace (even if my financial situation hadn’t changed). I want to have better relationships with my children and truly enjoy them.
I bought a book from Brooke Castillo called “Self Coaching 101”. I decided to help myself through this change. Then, just this month after the kids had all gone back to school, I signed up to be part of the Bold New Mom Community and have a chance to be coached by Jody Moore. I have access to lots of her videos, live coaching calls, and other content with my $49 monthly membership. Plus, I can ask any question I want and she will answer it. And, I will be coached over the phone in a couple weeks. Since the kids went back to school and I have found myself with a little free time I have felt this strong need to do something useful and helpful and make a difference in the world. Do I get a meaningful job? Volunteer? What? I realized that I should start in my own home. Make a difference in my own family’s lives. Be a better mom for them. I figured that this extra time should be dedicated to being coached and learning how to coach myself to become the confident, happy, peaceful, accepting, patient woman that I want to be. The one that Heavenly Father created me to be.
I wish I would have started journaling earlier this year. Like, just before and after I went to Tony Robbins in March. I feel like I have made a little bit of progress on myself already and I missed out on writing my earlier thoughts and feelings down. But, those thoughts are still fresh (and had been rolling around my head for years and years) and they are not completely changed yet. I have a lot to write about and expect I will jump around from post to post. But, this is all part of a life-long pursuit to progress. And, now that I finally started, the rest should be easy, right?