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General Conference

This past weekend was LDS General Conference. I loved it! I always feel more motivated and renewed after conference. I took notes, but just want to share a couple of my favorite quotes that go along specifically with my journey to becoming the woman God designed me to be…

Elder Taylor
-Knowing ‘I am a child of God’ is the most powerful knowledge I posess.
-God sanctifies your most difficult days

Truth! Knowing my divine nature is so important in having self-love and self-worth.
I also love that God will sancitify (bless, consecrate, hallow, purify) hard days. I am expected to endure to the end well and the Lord will make it enough.

Elder Robbins
-Success is going/growing from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm.
-When we are through changing, we’re through. (quote from Elder Packer)

Becoming the woman God designed me to be is a life-long process. I will have successes and failures. But, need to learn from and my failures and continue on without hating myself for them.
I’m not sure where this quote from Elder Packer came from, but I LOVE it! I will never stop changing and trying to better myself!

Massimo de Feo
-As we arise each morning, let us respond with love and kindness to whatever may come our way.
I try and let love be the motivator behind all that I do. If love and kindness are my driving force then I can’t go wrong and I am ok no matter the end result.

I can’t wait to study these messages in more detail. General Conference is such a great time to self-evaluate and improve!

 

 

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It’s great to be 8! (and 39!)

Camryn was baptized with her cousin Lex on Friday, March 30, 2018. It was a beautiful evening with a great program. Camryn couldn’t smile big enough the whole night! If only we could all feel that way more often. I hope she can keep her confident, loyal and happy spirit always. Camryn is so comfortable with who she is. She loves everything about herself (physically and all). And she should! She doesn’t let things other people may say about her affect her thoughts of herself. If every woman felt the way Camryn feels about herself, there woud be no stopping the force for good! I hope to be like her one day and I hope that she never changes that part of herself!

Her Grandma Jennis told us in her testimony at the baptism that it’s also great to be 67! What an amazing outlook on life! She is another example to me of a woman who is confident in herself and loves her life no matter what!

It’s great to be 39! Life is good.

 

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Selfish vs. Selfless

I think that long ago (like even back in high school) I was probably saying negative things about myself because it was just what you did. That seemed like the opposite of arrogant or cocky, and I didn’t want to be either of those. I do remember having a few thoughts about my body when I developed hips and wishing I could just push them down and off my body because I thought I was suddenly”fat.” But, other than that, I don’t think I really hated my body. I don’t know that I necessarily loved it either though. I remember getting compliments and feeling really good, but shrugging them off and not accepting them out loud. Why is it that women (and girls even) put themselves down? Somewhere along the line I must have started believing the negative things I was saying and it seeped deeper inside of me until it was just truth to me. Sad.

My brain is connecting this with selfish/selfless somehow. I’ve heard it said that being selfless isn’t thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. So, if someone is consumed with thoughts about themselves, they would be on the selfish side? That’s thinking good or bad thoughts about yourself. Hmmmm…I’m processing this as I write. Basically, I need to stop being consumed by my negative thoughts about myself for lots of reasons! How can I serve others if I am so worried about myself? How can I listen to someone if my thoughts about myself are in the way? How can I be a healthy example to my kids if I am speaking those negative thoughts? Or at the very least, letting them effect the way I act…looking in the mirror with judgement, pulling and tugging at clothes, keeping coverups on at the pool and not actually participating, worried about my hair or makeup…the list goes on to include things I’m sure I don’t even realize I do. I need to get over it! So, yes, I can see how even my negative thoughts about myself are making me into a selfish person that is not fully present in the lives of my children! So, my action plan is to think about myself less and when I do think of myself, it’s ok to think positive thoughts. I will show up better in life. I like that. Now, to get to work and practice it!

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Wax on Shine on

I signed up for a program all about seeing the good in myself. It was 14 days and followed the stages of the moon (ending with a full moon). The moon is a neat reminder because it is always full but not always fully illuminated. Just like us. The point was to peal more layers off everyday and let my light shine through. When you are aware of the goodness inside of you, you are better able to do more for others.

I listen to a podcast called The LifeBeats Project with Briana Johnson. She is the one who put this program together and sent out videos and emails every day with instructions and reminders and encouragement.

Everyday I was supposed to combat my inner voice of negative thoughts (Violet) with my own voice. That’s right, saying kind words to myself out loud. This was tricky for me and I didn’t do it as often as I should have. Although I do think that talking out loud is important. Hearing yourself say kind things to you is powerful. Try doing it as you look in the mirror…even more powerful. One day I wrote something down every hour that I was grateful for about myself. Then, the next day I put together affirmations based on those thoughts of gratitude. I was supposed to read those affirmations aloud throughout the day. Starting with “I am…”, “I can…”, or “I will…”

A few of the things I was grateful for were…my strong body and that I move it everyday, the positive podcasts that I fill my head with daily, my efforts to incorporate good friends in my life more often, that I’ve been learning algebra to help Spencer with his homework, my neat and organized personality that allows for an orderly home, my ability to do and love of hairstyling.

Here are the 6 affirmations I created based on some of my gratitude thoughts from the day before…

  1. I am strong
  2. I can be a light to others
  3. I will be patient
  4. I will listen to my body and give it what it needs
  5. I can do all things through Christ
  6. I am joyful!

I think I will create a sign with these on it and display it in my bathroom, car, kitchen, anywhere that I will see it often. Then, I will start to say them out loud!

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Violet

I seem to have a never-ending stream of negative thoughts about myself. There is constant chatter in my head about how I look, what terrible thing I ate, why I can’t run farther or faster, why I didn’t get up earlier, why I yelled at my kids, why I can’t be more patient, how many wrinkles I have, what the scale says….and on and on!

Apparently this is normal. It is my “natural man” or ego telling me all these terrible things. I was recently challenged to notice that voice and give her a name. Don’t hate her, that just causes more hate for myself. But, become friends with her. This sounded a little schizophrenic to me, but, why not? I introduced myself to Violet. I’m not exactly sure why this name popped into my head almost immediately. Maybe I was thinking of the girl in “The Incredibles” that can make herself go invisible. She is insecure, but she means well. She is unsure and sad. I am still getting used to recognizing and acknowledging Violet. But, I can see how this makes me feel more empowered and in control of my own thoughts. I don’t need to listen to Violet pointing out all my flaws. I can tell her to calm down and then I can come up with positive thoughts about myself instead. It is actually tricky for me to notice these thoughts and calm them down. I am so used to my brain running out of control. I am excited to notice and reign it in.

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39 going on 40

I don’t exactly know how and where to start, but I’ve put it off for too long so here it goes…

I am using this space sort of as a journal for now. I want to document what’s in my head and the things I’m doing to change that. For a while I haven’t really been happy with who I am or how I’m showing up in my life. I haven’t been able to fully love myself, and I think that’s carrying over into every other aspect of my life. I react to my children in ways that I don’t feel like a loving mother should. I get impatient and frustrated. That makes me dislike myself even more.  I don’t accept my body and it’s changes through having children and getting older. I can’t stop comparing myself. Sometimes to others around me, but mostly to how I used to look.

Last December (2016) is the first time I really remember getting into self-help/motivational podcasts. I listened to marriage and parenting podcasts for a while, then found a podcast called “Bold New Mom”. Obviously, a parenting podcast, but so much more. Jody Moore was trained by Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School. Brooke has a podcast that I started listening to as well. Jody is an LDS mother who specializes in coaching other LDS women and helping them become better women and mothers. She is delightful and I love her outlook on things. I would clean, run, drive and get ready for the day while listening to these types of podcasts. They would uplift me and make me want to be better.

I turned 39 in July and woke up realizing that I didn’t like the way I felt about myself. I had been striving to make changes, but hadn’t come very far. I decided that when I turn 40 I want to be confident and happy and more patient with my family and myself. I want to wake up on my 40th birthday loving life and myself. I’d like to lose 10 pounds (give or take), but I don’t want my happiness to be dependent on that. I want to have peace (even if my financial situation hadn’t changed). I want to have better relationships with my children and truly enjoy them.

I bought a book from Brooke Castillo called “Self Coaching 101”. I decided to help myself through this change. Then, just this month after the kids had all gone back to school, I signed up to be part of the Bold New Mom Community and have a chance to be coached by Jody Moore. I have access to lots of her videos, live coaching calls, and other content with my $49 monthly membership. Plus, I can ask any question I want and she will answer it. And, I will be coached over the phone in a couple weeks. Since the kids went back to school and I have found myself with a little free time I have felt this strong need to do something useful and helpful and make a difference in the world. Do I get a meaningful job? Volunteer? What? I realized that I should start in my own home. Make a difference in my own family’s lives. Be a better mom for them. I figured that this extra time should be dedicated to being coached and learning how to coach myself to become the confident, happy, peaceful, accepting, patient woman that I want to be. The one that Heavenly Father created me to be.

I wish I would have started journaling earlier this year. Like, just before and after I went to Tony Robbins in March. I feel like I have made a little bit of progress on myself already and I missed out on writing my earlier thoughts and feelings down. But, those thoughts are still fresh (and had been rolling around my head for years and years) and they are not completely changed yet. I have a lot to write about and expect I will jump around from post to post. But, this is all part of a life-long pursuit to progress. And, now that I finally started, the rest should be easy, right?