Posted on

Selfish vs. Selfless

I think that long ago (like even back in high school) I was probably saying negative things about myself because it was just what you did. That seemed like the opposite of arrogant or cocky, and I didn’t want to be either of those. I do remember having a few thoughts about my body when I developed hips and wishing I could just push them down and off my body because I thought I was suddenly”fat.” But, other than that, I don’t think I really hated my body. I don’t know that I necessarily loved it either though. I remember getting compliments and feeling really good, but shrugging them off and not accepting them out loud. Why is it that women (and girls even) put themselves down? Somewhere along the line I must have started believing the negative things I was saying and it seeped deeper inside of me until it was just truth to me. Sad.

My brain is connecting this with selfish/selfless somehow. I’ve heard it said that being selfless isn’t thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. So, if someone is consumed with thoughts about themselves, they would be on the selfish side? That’s thinking good or bad thoughts about yourself. Hmmmm…I’m processing this as I write. Basically, I need to stop being consumed by my negative thoughts about myself for lots of reasons! How can I serve others if I am so worried about myself? How can I listen to someone if my thoughts about myself are in the way? How can I be a healthy example to my kids if I am speaking those negative thoughts? Or at the very least, letting them effect the way I act…looking in the mirror with judgement, pulling and tugging at clothes, keeping coverups on at the pool and not actually participating, worried about my hair or makeup…the list goes on to include things I’m sure I don’t even realize I do. I need to get over it! So, yes, I can see how even my negative thoughts about myself are making me into a selfish person that is not fully present in the lives of my children! So, my action plan is to think about myself less and when I do think of myself, it’s ok to think positive thoughts. I will show up better in life. I like that. Now, to get to work and practice it!

Posted on

Wax on Shine on

I signed up for a program all about seeing the good in myself. It was 14 days and followed the stages of the moon (ending with a full moon). The moon is a neat reminder because it is always full but not always fully illuminated. Just like us. The point was to peal more layers off everyday and let my light shine through. When you are aware of the goodness inside of you, you are better able to do more for others.

I listen to a podcast called The LifeBeats Project with Briana Johnson. She is the one who put this program together and sent out videos and emails every day with instructions and reminders and encouragement.

Everyday I was supposed to combat my inner voice of negative thoughts (Violet) with my own voice. That’s right, saying kind words to myself out loud. This was tricky for me and I didn’t do it as often as I should have. Although I do think that talking out loud is important. Hearing yourself say kind things to you is powerful. Try doing it as you look in the mirror…even more powerful. One day I wrote something down every hour that I was grateful for about myself. Then, the next day I put together affirmations based on those thoughts of gratitude. I was supposed to read those affirmations aloud throughout the day. Starting with “I am…”, “I can…”, or “I will…”

A few of the things I was grateful for were…my strong body and that I move it everyday, the positive podcasts that I fill my head with daily, my efforts to incorporate good friends in my life more often, that I’ve been learning algebra to help Spencer with his homework, my neat and organized personality that allows for an orderly home, my ability to do and love of hairstyling.

Here are the 6 affirmations I created based on some of my gratitude thoughts from the day before…

  1. I am strong
  2. I can be a light to others
  3. I will be patient
  4. I will listen to my body and give it what it needs
  5. I can do all things through Christ
  6. I am joyful!

I think I will create a sign with these on it and display it in my bathroom, car, kitchen, anywhere that I will see it often. Then, I will start to say them out loud!

Posted on

Violet

I seem to have a never-ending stream of negative thoughts about myself. There is constant chatter in my head about how I look, what terrible thing I ate, why I can’t run farther or faster, why I didn’t get up earlier, why I yelled at my kids, why I can’t be more patient, how many wrinkles I have, what the scale says….and on and on!

Apparently this is normal. It is my “natural man” or ego telling me all these terrible things. I was recently challenged to notice that voice and give her a name. Don’t hate her, that just causes more hate for myself. But, become friends with her. This sounded a little schizophrenic to me, but, why not? I introduced myself to Violet. I’m not exactly sure why this name popped into my head almost immediately. Maybe I was thinking of the girl in “The Incredibles” that can make herself go invisible. She is insecure, but she means well. She is unsure and sad. I am still getting used to recognizing and acknowledging Violet. But, I can see how this makes me feel more empowered and in control of my own thoughts. I don’t need to listen to Violet pointing out all my flaws. I can tell her to calm down and then I can come up with positive thoughts about myself instead. It is actually tricky for me to notice these thoughts and calm them down. I am so used to my brain running out of control. I am excited to notice and reign it in.